Revisiting the Past

As age has crept upon me, I find myself taking inventory of my life from time to time. The most recent time came as we took my oldest son (now 15 years old) back to St. Judes Children’s Research Hospital for his annual check-up. As I looked around the hospital and the various clinics, I saw parents dealing with the same issue Laura and I had dealt with some years earlier. Many of the staff members are the still here after 13 years. One nurse I saw had gotten a divorce 8 years previously. Others had aged somewhat, but were still doing the same jobs has they had for so many years. It occurred to me while we were waiting for Samuel’s appointments, that these people have gone about their daily lives everyday since we first met them. Whether it was soccer, marriage, birth, death divorce, they had a certain routine and stability. This may seem so obvious to most people, but it wasn’t to me until just then. As I reflected back on our early days at the hospital, I could still remember the intensity that my family’s life took on. By God’s rich mercies we never felt overwhelmed but I had come to understand what the word means in Matthew 6:34 “So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will care of itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” I did not have the time or energy to devote to things that were not of the utmost importance. My child had just been diagnosed with cancer with a little better than 50% chance for survival. Daily cares just seemed to pass from our view. What we would do for vacation? What was for dinner? These things simply did not matter anymore.

Most of our time for the next 2 ½ years would revolve around the treatment of Samuel’s cancer. We would face many ups and downs during this time. Many of the people that we befriended would lose their child’s life to cancer. I quit counting when it reached 100 deaths. God has yet to require that of us. Yet we would wonder from time to time if the treatment wasn’t worse than the disease. Many times we struggled, but were never completely drowned. God used this time of tragedy in our lives to put a failing marriage back together and draw us closer to Himself than ever before. We had hearts rooted in a faith found only in Christ. We had let our own selfish desires tear our family apart. God mercifully put it back together. In months we grew more in Christ than in many years.

Now what is the real point to telling this tale? It wasn’t to draw attention to ourselves, but rather it is to answer the question “So What?” As I looked back over this time God exposed something lacking in my life today. That intense singleness of mind had somehow gotten lost in living life. Each day God gave me sufficient grace for what lay ahead. He didn’t show me what tomorrow would bring, nor could I have handled it. This is what God showed me as I reflected back; my life is to be fully devoted to Him. I am not to be consumed with the fleeting pleasures of this world. My heart and thoughts are to be consumed with living this life to bring glory and honor to Him. This is NOT MY LIFE!

Do you not know that when you present yourselves to someone as slaves for obedience, you are slaves to the one whom you obey, either of sin resulting in death, or of obedience resulting in righteousness? Romans 6:16

Our lives must be lived in view of eternity. The only things that will last will be those things done in obedience to righteousness. I am not speaking of monastery living - but rather to live each moment in presence and fear of my Holy God. There will be no middle ground, God’s word is clear. Your life is not your own nor your money nor your time-nothing is yours you are but a steward that will one day give an account to God. You cannot serve to masters. You are either for or against God.

For if you are living according to the flesh, you must die; but if by the Spirit you are putting to death the deeds of the body you will live. Romans 8:13

Do you prefer to obey God always or do you demand your own way?

Is there a difference between the life you live and that of the world?

Remember the standard is not better than someone else… “And everyone who has this hope fixed on Him purifies himself, just as He is pure.” 1 John 3:3

Many people call themselves by the name of Christ, deluding themselves and leading others on to hell. We are called to examine ourselves to see if indeed we are in the faith (2 Corinthians 13:5). So what about your life…are you in Christ…does Christ know you… (Matthew 7:20-23).

Just a closing thought. If you haven’t experienced this my next statement may not make much since. If there had been anyway to have spared my child from going through this I would have gladly done it, but I wouldn’t take anything for the chance to walk through it. Only one thing I count on in this world is that all God does in my life is for my ultimate good and His glory, Amen!